


Happy Heteronormative Corporate Shill Day

by mukur0



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Emotional Constipation, Gabriel uses Omegle, M/M, Valentine’s Day
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-14
Updated: 2019-02-14
Packaged: 2019-10-28 10:53:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,190
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17786033
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mukur0/pseuds/mukur0
Summary: Gabriel mulls over the nature of the Internet and fails at avoiding his own personal hang-ups about a guy who’s done pretty well despite Gabriel’s entire existence.





	Happy Heteronormative Corporate Shill Day

**Author's Note:**

> I had this convo in Rolechat, playing as Gabriel, and...it was too gold not to do something with it.

The Internet was weird.

Yeah, he’d known about it for forever, given that time didn’t mean much to Heaven (or to an archangel, especially one that took great pleasure in running his brothers all around the timeline), but now that he was here experiencing time linearly and was _using_ the damn thing...what the fuck was the Internet, even?

The porn was nice. The news was a mess. Social media was a lost cause. The widespread availability of information was an incredible leap he could appreciate. Vine made life worth living.

And anonymity—well, that was his forté, wasn’t it?

It wasn’t that Reddit was really that much fun, and any chan was more obnoxious than it was entertaining, but roulettes? Now roulettes he could dig, at least when he was bored out of his mind and had a smartphone in hand. Not the videos, those were always either girls too young to be there at all or pervs with dick in hand. And the ones without video usually started “asl?” and that’s how you knew they wanted to sext, probably with said young girls. Sometimes it was fun to wind them up and blue ball them.

But the diamonds in the rough were the real conversationalists. An in-depth discussion about the concept of “death of the author” in social media times, a dissection of the history of academia, a jaded shared rant about the social ignorance of the reality of slow genocide in current politics—now that he could sink his teeth into. Maybe he was a little bit nerdy when no one knew it was him.

If he could get into another spirited exchange about the blasphemy that was bacon cupcakes, his night was made.

**You’re chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!**

**…**

**Stranger 1:** Ramble about your crush. Go for it =)

Oh. What was this? Gabriel blinked at the screen, once, twice. That was sort of obnoxiously cute. 

Right—it was February 14th. He’d forgotten all about it. What was wrong with him? This was the perfect day once a year to go play hellish tricks on assholes trying to take advantage of lonely singles.

Didn’t hurt to have a little fun. Consider his curiosity piqued.

 **Stranger 2:** that’s a hard prompt :(  
**Stranger 2:** where am I supposed to start?

**…**

**Stranger 1:** Why? Well, start with their face lol

That was easy.

 **Stranger 2:** well. he’s got a pretty face. you know, hazel eyes, cupid’s bow lips. he’s super expressive but he’s got a scary good poker face  
**Stranger 2:** he’s like, weirdly y’all  
**Stranger 2:** tall* autocorrect  
**Stranger 2:** you expect him to be a quarterback but he’s hanging out in libraries. it’s funny

 **Stranger 1:** He sounds so cool oh lord

 **Stranger 2:** he’s really fucking smart. like he dresses like any dude, nothing stands out (except he’s so fucking tall) but then he says something like...oh. oh he’s fucking smart  
**Stranger 2:** and he takes nnno shit. i’ve never seen a man so sassy

 **Stranger 1:** I fucking love this guy, great taste bud

What the fuck was he doing? Brows arched nearing his hairline, he scrolled up to stare in consternation at the row of messages. This was supposed to be joking. How had he gotten here again? He was trying to make fun of Sam, not sit here and talk like a used car salesman. Slap his ass, _this idiot can fit so many tragedies._

If he switched tunes now it would be transparent. Guilt was eating in his chest at having this conversation at all. Sam would be pissed.

 **Stranger 2:** thank you. i’ll never catch his eye, he’s got too much shit going on 24/7, his family is a mess, yada yada. got those Big Dreams™  
**Stranger 2:** so I just pull his pigtails sometimes

**…**

**…**

**Stranger 1:** Literally or us that just a phrase I don’t understand?

Was that falling out of use now? Languages changed so fast.

 **Stranger 2:** it’s a figure of speech. I bug him on purpose  
**Stranger 2:** he’s cute when he’s irritated

 **Stranger 1:** Tbh I lowkey ship it

Why did that bother him so much? That shouldn’t feel like a bad thing. He was damn cute and Sam deserved a little praise. It wasn’t like he was encouraging it. He definitely wasn’t confessing to any intent to get together.

 **Stranger 2:** you’ve got good taste

A sparkly emoji successfully hid his concern.

 **Stranger 1:** I know lmaooo

 **Stranger 2:** he doesn’t tho. got that whole Damaged thing down pat. it’s hard to earn his trust and I fucked that up awhile back. not that he’s mean abt it, he’s just  
**Stranger 2:** you know those people that are ridiculously nice and forgiving, but they never let anyone in themselves?

 **Stranger 1:** Yeah my best friend is such. That sentence pretty much sums her up

 **Stranger 2:** yeah. it drives me NUTS  
**Stranger 2:** like come on fucko you’re practically saving the planet at any given moment but you won’t ask for help and if someone offers that’s scary or suspicious  
**Stranger 2:** he doesn’t eat enough or sleep enough or stand up for himself but he’ll mother ANYBODY

The old rue. He’d never actually come out and growled about it before. Funny how irritating it was once he thought about it.

 **Stranger 1:** Okay that’s her that’s too much her. I don’t understand, how do you give so much but not want anything back at all like what the hell is wrong with you

 **Stranger 2:** fear

He’d hit send before he even thought about it, and he was biting his cheek when he kept typing. God, he was bitter.

 **Stranger 2:** fear you don’t deserve it, that all you’re worth is what you can give, fear that someone who gets too close will see something that convinces them to run and confirms your worst fears about yourself

**…**

**Stranger 1:**...okay that just got kinda deep. Also kinda hit home

He tossed out a couple of emoji with OK hands. Discomfort was meant to be met with sarcasm.

 **Stranger 2:** i’m here to serve

 **Stranger 1:** well I hope he opens up to you. Probably. Sounds like a great guy.

Probably? No way. Not that he was actually thinking about Sam doing that. It would be nice if he’d open up to _someone,_ though…

Which was a shitty thing to think, when half of Sam’s problems were because of a drug dealer demon whose arms _he_ had driven Sam into.

 **Stranger 2:** thanks. he deserves better anyway, but i’ll stick around and bug him. gotta keep him on his toes.

A quick goodbye and _Stranger 1 has disconnected._

Stupid. Now he couldn’t get that moron out of his head. What the hell was he thinking?

It _was_ Valentine’s Day. He could always show up with chocolate, make a nuisance of himself, and pretend he was satisfied with Sam’s irritated ambivalence. It was, after all, better than he deserved.

“Hel _lo,_ Winchesters! Seeing as it is the cupid holiday extravaganza, whaddya say to a rom-com marathon broadcast directly into your brains until midnight?”

  



End file.
